


Kindred

by thedevilchicken



Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Dark, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-15 20:26:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13621053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilchicken/pseuds/thedevilchicken
Summary: Jesus and Judas weren't always friends.





	Kindred

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SegaBarrett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/gifts).



They weren't always friends. 

When they met, Judas wasn't looking for a messiah. He wasn't looking for anything, except maybe a satisfying argument - he's always known just how to get in under people's skin and he's always enjoyed a good challenge, but it turned out Jesus wasn't a challenge. Jesus was a brick wall of patience and kindness in ways that Judas has never been. He was things even then that Judas will never be. He was things he'd never even realised he might aspire to.

When they met, Judas couldn't stand him. He was self-righteous and forgiving and he just wouldn't rise to the bait, no matter what bait it was he dangled for him. But then he realised: _Jesus wouldn't rise to the bait_. He never did, not once, though that's not to say he's always been calm in the years that he's known him - Jesus was passionate then. He had convictions. He was uplifting, inspirational. And, little by little, piece by piece, before he even knew it, before he thought to stop it, Judas found himself drawn in.

When they met, Judas wasn't looking for a friend. He wasn't looking for a cause, either. He wasn't looking for belonging or intellectual excitement or anything more than an hour or so of finding ways to rattle this man he'd heard so much about, because that kind of thing has always been his favourite kind of cheap, low-down entertainment. But the next thing he knew, three months had passed in daily conversation. The next thing he knew, a _year_ had passed. And they fought more often than the others could have ever found acceptable, but it wasn't for Judas's amusement; they fought because it turned out what they wanted was the same, but that the paths they thought they'd take to get there differed. 

When they met, he called Jesus insufferable; Jesus smiled as if he understood, then he called Judas his brother. For a long time, for the longest time, Judas might even have believed that, because no one else could ever see the things in him that Jesus did, beyond the cynicism, the flippancy, the caustic sense of wit that made the others hate him - the thing that made him necessary, and favourite, and wanted. He believed that they were brothers. He believed that they were closer than. He doesn't anymore. 

Years have passed. Judas sat at his right hand and he gave everything he is and has to this, he poured himself out till there was nothing left, but the disagreements grew more frequent anyway; they didn't challenge each other anymore the way they always had - all they did was bicker. They said Jesus was the son of God and Judas flinched away because he was the only one that saw the danger in it, to all of them, to _him_. Judas thought he knew best but he should have known better: in his haste to save his friend, he's condemned him instead. He did the worst thing for the very best reason. He's killed him, and he can't breathe for the weight of knowing it, but he still thinks did it out of loyalty. He did it out of love.

And in the moment of his death, with the noose pulled tight around his neck, Judas would like to believe he's sorry that they ever met. But, the fact is, he's not.

Knowing Jesus made him better long before it made him worse. He can only hope that in death he won't forget it.


End file.
